Lies That Comfort and Betray Page 2

  The other stop she had to make was more important. She decided to go there first, just in case it took longer than she had planned for. If she didn’t make it to Saint Anselm’s before confessions ended for the day she’d have to lie to her mother about receiving Communion on Sunday because you couldn’t go to the altar with a mortal sin on your soul.

  Then it would be back to Father Devlin again when she got home because she knew she wasn’t going to stop. She was caught already, so what could it matter?

  Unless something happened in the meantime. Unless she was wrong.

  She’d told so many lies by now that a few more wouldn’t trouble her conscience at all.

  CHAPTER 2

  Weekly confessions at Saint Anselm’s started at midafternoon during the winter months. The November sun usually set by five o’clock and even with snow on the ground to reflect the light from streetlamps, it was dark as well as cold. People wanted to get home.

  This Saturday only one of the three priests assigned to the parish was on duty. Father Gerard Mahoney, Saint Anselm’s sixty-year-old pastor, was confined to his bed with a mustard plaster on his chest. Father Kearns, the assistant pastor, had been called to the bedside of a dying child.

  “I’ll manage,” Father Mark Brennan assured both his colleagues.

  “Give them all five Our Fathers, five Hail Marys, and five Glory Bes,” coughed Father Mahoney. “The faster you get them in and out, the more they’ll thank you for it.” The pastor had been known to say an entire Mass from Introíbo ad altáre Dei to Ite, Missa Est in twenty minutes flat.

  It wasn’t Father Brennan’s way to rush his flock along like sheep being herded to the shearing pen. He scrupulously matched each sin to its appropriate penance, not forgetting to accuse himself of the sin of pride for lacking humility in the doing of God’s holy work.

  The line outside his confessional box was long, stretching halfway down a side aisle. He took his time with each sinner, and as a result many would-be receivers of the sacrament gave up and went home, especially once four-thirty had come and gone. Parishioners popped their heads through the massive wooden central doors, took a look at the length of the line, lingered a moment to gauge how quickly, in this case how slowly, people were entering and emerging from the curtained side boxes. They dipped their fingers into the holy water font, made a sketchy sign of the cross, and were out again before their coats had finished steaming in the indoor air. They wished Father Brennan would learn to speed things up. This wasn’t the old country; everyone in America was in a hurry.

  It occurred to Nora Kenny that she ought to step out of line and be on her way to the MacKenzie mansion, but once she made up her mind, she seldom changed it. Both the Kenny parents and all of the lads were like that, too. Obstinate, mulish, as immovable in their determination as an Irishman could be. And proud of it.

  She reminded herself of the other reason she wouldn’t give up today. Agnes Kenny expected all of her children to walk to the communion rail every Sunday, and God help the one who didn’t. So if Nora was to allay any suspicions her mother might have about her recent excuses to slip away from the house on her own, she had to receive Communion next Sunday. Today was her last chance to confess to a priest who could be counted on not to recognize her. She hoped the hens weren’t warming up too much. She couldn’t smell them, so they must be all right.

  When it was finally her turn, Nora stepped into the confessional, knelt, and made the sign of the cross. “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It’s been one week since my last confession.”

  It wasn’t as dark as in the church on Staten Island; Nora could see more than just a shadow on the other side of the curtained grille. This priest was young and handsome, his hair nearly as dark as hers, the hand he raised in the blessing long fingered and finely sculpted. She wondered if he would look in her direction; most priests faced forward and only leaned sideways a bit toward the penitent.

  She started with the venial sins, the way she always did, hoping that when she slipped in the great big embarrassing mortal sin of committing impure acts he might be busy with his own prayers and not notice. But he did.

  “Did you commit the sin of impurity with yourself or with another?”

  The question shocked her. The priest on Staten Island had never asked Nora Kenny for details. “With another, Father.”

  “Are either of you married?”

  “No, Father.”

  “How many times did you commit this sin of impurity since your last confession?”

  “Twice, Father.” She could feel the sweat beading on her forehead. Her voice was shaky, and she thought she might cry. Why couldn’t he just give her a penance and absolution and be done with it?

  “Have you thought that a child might be conceived?”

  She didn’t answer, afraid her voice might penetrate the long dark red curtain that fell over the backs of her legs. Unwilling to risk losing the little control remaining to her.

  She heard a deep sigh and knew he was finally finished.

  “For your penance I want you to kneel before Our Lady’s statue while you say five decades of the rosary. Ask Our Blessed Mother for the grace to stay chaste.”

  She was sure tears were making tracks down her cheeks.

  “Now make a good Act of Contrition and tell Our Lady how sorry you are to have sinned against purity.”

  Just before Nora lowered her face into her cupped hands to whisper the Act of Contrition, she felt his eyes on her. Dark brown eyes in a stern face. One glimpse through the fan of her fingers, but it was enough. This was the kind of priest everyone tried to avoid, the kind who took things too seriously and could make life miserable. She supposed she deserved it, though. She’d tried to avoid Father Devlin and this was the punishment she got.

  She asked a man leaving the church ahead of her what time it was. Quarter past five. Just enough time to drop the hens at the MacKenzie house and get herself back to Saint Anselm’s by six to say her five decades of the rosary. She’d learned in First Holy Communion class that you had to do your penance to make the absolution stick. The nun teaching them hadn’t used those exact words, but that was the gist of it. If she ran both ways and didn’t stop for a gossip when she gave Cook the hens, she could just make it.

  There would still be time afterwards to complete her other errand, the one she couldn’t tell anyone about. Seven o’clock. That’s when her things would be ready and she could pick them up.

  It was early dusk. The lamplights hissed softly in the cold evening air. Nora was surprised how easy it was to navigate the sidewalk despite the heavy basket bumping against her hip. There was no smell of dead hen coming from it, and when she reached a hand in, the cloths in which they were wrapped were still damp and cool. Almost as good as keeping them on ice, she thought. She passed few women as she walked; it was mostly men striding along in a hurry to get out of the cold, faces muffled in wool scarves, gloved hands carrying parcels or leather briefcases. Horses clopped by, nostrils breathing out steam, drivers hunched over to catch a draft of warmth from their broad backs. She’d give anything to be in one of those hansom cabs, but even if she had the money, no one would stop for a girl out all alone after dark.

  Nora breathed a sigh of relief when she recognized the MacKenzie mansion, a thick blanket of green ivy climbing over its deep redbrick facade. Quick now, down the areaway steps to the kitchen door.

  But when she hauled on the bellpull, she heard no sound of ringing inside. No footsteps tapped their way to the door. She didn’t have time to stand there and try to figure out where everybody was.

  She thought about pounding on the door and calling out, but what if a policeman were passing by and heard her? He’d haul her off without waiting to listen to an explanation and then she’d really be in trouble. She yanked on the bellpull one more time, then set down her basket, turned on her heels, and sped up the concrete steps to the street. Moments later she was back on Fifth Avenue, dodging and ducking her way toward Saint A
nselm’s.

  She didn’t expect to be climbing the broad stone steps of the church alone. She had looked forward to the comfort of light streaming out into the darkness as the doors opened and closed behind parishioners stopping by for a quick prayer or to light a candle on their way home from work. Catholic churches were never entirely empty.

  But the wide steps were barren and Saint Anselm’s had the look of a church settling into locked emptiness for the night.

  Nora scurried through the vestibule, her shoes clattering on the stone floor. It was warmer inside the church itself, with a comforting fustiness hanging in the air, as though the people who had stood in the aisle waiting to go to confession had left bits of themselves behind—the smell of damp wool and wet leather shoes, that tangy scent of unwashed winter clothing and skin, the tobacco smoked by the men, the cheap scent worn by the women. It reminded her of going into the parlor at home before her mother readied up the coal stove and sent the wonderful smells of supper wafting through the rooms.

  The church was dim because no one had turned on the huge, newly electrified chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. Banks of votive candles flickered at the side altars and the blood red sanctuary lamp burned steadily beside the tabernacle to remind her that Christ was present. God was here.

  Nora genuflected, made the sign of the cross, and crept into a pew close to the side altar where a larger than life Virgin Mary in blue robes and white veil looked down at her. The kneeler boomed against the floor as she pulled it out and it slipped from her cold fingers. She glanced around guiltily. No one had heard. There was no one kneeling behind or to either side of her. No matter. She needed to get started on the five decades of the rosary she had to say.

  She heard a sound like a key turning in a lock, but muffled, as if it came from the vestibule. Not a lock, but the click of one of the switches that turned on the electric lights? She waited for brightness to flood down, and looked up to see the chandeliers come ablaze, but the dimness all around her did not change. She clung more tightly to the rosary beads she’d wound around her fingers, feeling the sharpness of the small silver crucifix digging into the palm of her hand. She’d never been by herself inside a church before. No matter that the sanctuary lamp proclaimed the presence of Christ, Nora felt very alone and now very frightened.

  She made her mind up quickly. Intention was all important when it came to sin, and she’d intended to say her rosary at the Virgin’s feet. She’d kneel beside her bed in Colleen’s room tonight instead and tag on an extra decade for the absence of a statue.

  Nora got to her feet and scrambled out into the aisle, shoving the rosary beads into her coat pocket, pulling out the warm mittens her mother had knitted for her. She bobbed awkwardly in the general direction of the altar, then turned and fled toward the vestibule, pushing open the swinging doors with both outstretched arms, feet flying across the stone floor. Her hands flattened themselves against the outer doors and her body followed, pushing desperately to make them open. Nothing. They didn’t yield to her pounding fists or to the sobs that burst from her throat. Why were the doors locked? Why hadn’t someone looked into the church to make sure it was empty before closing up for the night?

  She turned to go back the way she had come. There was a small side door opening onto a narrow alley that ran the length of the church. She’d seen people ducking out that way after Mass when they were in a hurry and didn’t want to have to stop and talk to the priest standing outside on the main steps.

  But the door she had just run through wouldn’t budge. She didn’t remember hearing it happen, but somehow it must have locked itself behind her. She was trapped in the vestibule.

  The only thing she could do was make so much noise that a passerby would hear something odd and stop at the rectory next door to tell the housekeeper or one of the priests. Nora pounded until her arms went numb and then flamed in pain; she yelled and screamed until her throat closed up and nothing came out but a hoarse croak. Finally, all strength and hope gone, she slid down onto the stone floor, back propped against the wooden door, legs stretched out in front of her, bruised hands lying slack and useless in her lap, too spent and tired even to cry.

  She wondered if anyone would be surprised that she hadn’t kept her seven o’clock appointment. No matter. As soon as the church was unlocked tomorrow morning she’d be on her way. Colleen would scold her for not showing up when she was supposed to, and then together they’d have a good laugh about it.

  When she began to tremble with the cold, Nora crawled to the lost and found chest against the side wall and pulled out coats, scarves, and sweaters that smelled of dust and other people. She made a nest on the floor and curled up into the bits of clothing, singing and humming to herself to keep up her courage. She thought about the soup her mother made from hens like the ones she’d left in the MacKenzie areaway. Hot chicken broth with lovely chunks of meat and vegetables floating around in it. She could taste it on her tongue, feel the heat in her empty belly. And how nice it would be to close icy fingers around the warmth of the bowl.

  Nora fell asleep, a ragamuffin huddled into lost and forgotten garments so worn that no one had bothered to retrieve them.

  She was deep in her dreams when the man who had locked Saint Anselm’s doors came to stand over her. The picture of innocence, someone else might have thought.

  He knew better.

  CHAPTER 3

  Prudence MacKenzie slept hardly at all on Saturday night. She tossed and turned in her comfortable four poster, lighting, extinguishing, and then relighting the gas reading lamp on her bedside table. She tried to lose herself in a chapter of one of the half dozen books lying open atop the coverlet, but the words streamed meaninglessly past her tired eyes. She reread the same paragraphs over and over again, then finally climbed out of bed to stand and stare out the window at dark and quiet Fifth Avenue far below.

  Josiah Gregory would say she shouldn’t have read the Ripper story in the newspaper that morning, but what was haunting Prudence tonight was as much the events of eight months ago as the attacks taking place in far off London. On the surface she had nothing in common with the women whose lives the Ripper had stolen, but Prudence had once been the vulnerable target of someone’s greed. She would never forget the fear and helpless desperation she’d felt as the victim.

  Most of the time she managed to beat back nightmare memories of the stepmother who had schemed to steal her inheritance. Victoria had tried to turn her late husband’s only child into a laudanum addict, one of a small legion of unwanted wives and daughters dozing away their empty lives in the opium stupor of an exclusive upstate rest home.

  Geoffrey had saved her, Geoffrey and her own determination not to disappoint the father who had loved her so much. “Never give up,” he had urged when bleak loneliness settled over the pale oval face of his motherless daughter. “I miss her, too, but we’ll always have each other.” Then he, too, had died.

  As the night wore on, the violent and confusing dreams developed into a pounding headache. Not even resting her forehead against the cold glass of her window brought relief. Prudence knew what her body craved, and what giving in to that fierce appetite would do to her. Even thinking about it brought a wave of passionate yearning that was as real as physical hunger. She had to beat it back with every ounce of strength she possessed. Never give up, never give up.

  She had been introduced to the soothing oblivion of laudanum by the same well-meaning family doctor who’d tended her father in his last illness. For a time, the few drops a day he had recommended were enough to give the illusion of comfort. Like many women of her class, she carried a tiny brown glass bottle of the opium tincture in her reticule. It seemed harmless enough.

  Then Victoria had begun adding laudanum to the cup of warm milk left beside her bed every night; additional bottles of the drug appeared without Prudence asking for them. The number of drops she required to survive each day’s pain of loss increased. By the time she realized what was happeni
ng to her and began to fight back, Prudence MacKenzie knew the meaning of the word addiction. Laudanum would be her bête noire for the rest of her life.

  Toward dawn Prudence wrapped herself in a cashmere shawl, slipped her bare feet into warm bed shoes, and made her way quietly down two flights of stairs to the basement kitchen. She would stir up the fire in the cook stove and heat some warm milk with honey. No laudanum, just the thickness of sweetened milk to coat the sick queasiness in her stomach.

  It was too early for the servants to be up on a Sunday morning. No one need know about the private battles their mistress fought in the dark emptiness of the night.

  *

  Colleen Riordan was awake also, twisting restlessly beneath the quilts that brightened her tiny attic room.

  Cook would say it served her right, reading those Ripper stories in the newspaper like she did. What business did a housemaid have scaring herself silly with killings that were an ocean away, not to mention happening to women who made their living in ways no respectable girl should know? All true and good, but the Ripper was the only thing everyone talked about for days after each victim was discovered. The attacks might be taking place across the Atlantic Ocean in London, but there were streets in New York City that were just as dangerous as the alleyways of Whitechapel. And it got dark so early in November.

  Which was why it wasn’t so much the London Ripper who was interfering with Colleen’s sleep tonight as it was a nagging worry much closer to home.

  Why hadn’t Nora shown up yesterday afternoon as expected? Not knowing where her friend was or what might have happened to her was twisting Colleen’s stomach into knots. She and Nora didn’t often have the opportunity to work together, but when they did, the hours flew by; the mundane tasks they performed were quickly and easily accomplished. The Staten Island girl’s energy and zest for life proved contagious.